Honouring Relationship Diversity: Polyamory, Mental Health, and the Power of Choice

By Dr. Shradha Billawa

When we talk about relationships in mental health spaces, there’s often an unspoken assumption that everyone is seeking the same thing: one partner, monogamy, a linear path toward marriage and stability. But this narrative doesn’t reflect the full spectrum of how people build love, connection, and intimacy. And it certainly doesn’t reflect the reality of many clients I work with.

Relationship diversity—whether that’s polyamory, non-monogamy, open relationships, or chosen families—challenges the dominant cultural and societal scripts around love - and that’s not just a personal choice; it’s also a political act.

Many of the people who engage in non-traditional relationship structures are also navigating marginalised identities—queer, trans, neurodivergent, racialised, disabled. For these communities, love and connection are often built outside of normative systems, not because they’re confused or commitment-avoidant, but because they are reclaiming agency over how they relate and who gets to matter.

In therapy, it's important that we meet clients where they are—not where society expects them to be. That means creating a space where people can explore:

• What security looks like outside of monogamy

• How to navigate, communication, or boundaries in a multi-partner dynamic

• The ways societal stigma or misunderstanding have shaped their experiences

• What love and commitment mean on their terms
  

Unfortunately, many people in polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships report being pathologised by therapists who don’t understand their relationship structure or make assumptions about their wellbeing. That’s not just invalidating—it’s unethical.

From a social justice lens, affirming relationship diversity means recognising the ways that white, heteronormative, and capitalist ideals have defined what “healthy” relationships should look like—and choosing not to replicate those frameworks in the therapy room. It means acknowledging how access to care, safety, and legal protections are unevenly distributed depending on the kind of relationships people are in. Lastly, it means holding space for joy, complexity, grief, and empowerment without judgement.

For me, working affirmatively with relationship-diverse clients is about more than tolerance. It’s about deep respect. It’s about celebrating autonomy, intentionality, and the creative ways people build love, community, and care. You are allowed to want relationships that doesn’t follow the script.