Unpacking Intergenerational Trauma and Relational Patterns in Therapy

By Dr. Shradha Billawa

So often in therapy, clients come in wanting to understand their emotions, their reactions, or their struggles in relationships—and somewhere along the way, we find ourselves tracing the threads back through their family history. Not because we’re looking to place blame, but because the past often lives quietly in the present.

Intergenerational trauma is the transmission of emotional, psychological, and even physical wounds from one generation to the next. It can show up in subtle ways—anxiety that seems ever-present, guilt about setting boundaries, a tendency to emotionally shut down, or a deep fear of conflict. Often, these patterns were survival strategies once. They may have been learned in families shaped by war, migration, colonisation, poverty, or systemic oppression.

Many of the clients I work with come from collectivist or diasporic cultures, where family roles and values are deeply ingrained. There’s often a powerful tension between honouring where you come from and creating space for who you want to be. For example, you may have been taught to prioritise family needs over your own, to avoid confrontation in the name of respect, or to suppress emotions for the sake of peace. Over time, these patterns can become internalised and shape the way you relate to yourself and others.

Therapy offers a space to pause and make sense of this. Not just on a cognitive level, but on an emotional and embodied one too. I often work with clients to explore the “relational blueprint” they’ve inherited—what love looked like, how conflict was handled, how affection or validation was given (or withheld), and how roles were assigned in the family. When we start to bring these patterns into awareness, we begin to gain more choice over how we respond in the present.

For many, this process brings both grief and relief. Grief for the unmet needs or the roles you had to carry too young. Relief that you are not broken—you are shaped. In my approach, I hold space for both: for honouring the resilience and complexity of your upbringing, and for gently challenging the parts that no longer serve you. I believe that by understanding your relational history, you can begin to author new ways of being—with yourself, in relationships, and in the world.

There’s no quick fix when it comes to healing intergenerational trauma. But therapy can be a powerful place to start—where insight leads to compassion, and compassion opens the door to change.